


Not About Angels

by Simitrash (orphan_account)



Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: Cancer, M/M, Mentions of Cancer, Sad, Wakes & Funerals
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-11
Updated: 2017-09-11
Packaged: 2018-12-26 08:45:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,817
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12055401
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/Simitrash
Summary: Inspired by richard_mark_hammond’s fic by the same name that got deleted forever ago. This isn’t a re-write but it has the same general premise. Sorta (really) sucks compared to the original, sorry. I have way too much buildup. Inspired by that fic and the song Not About Angels by Birdy.





	Not About Angels

“Hey Kims.” Sebastian says, jumping on Kimi’s bed. “Wake up!”   
“Seb, not today.” Kimi sighs, turning over and facing the wall.  
“Kimi, it’s me! Sebastian” He cries. This is how Kimi usually treats other people, but Kimi is always excited to play with Sebastian. They’ve been best friends ever since Kimi’s family moved in next door three years ago. Kimi was 7 years old and Sebastian was only 5, but they still became fast friends.  
“Seb, I’m sick!” Kimi yells, shoving Sebastian off the bed.  
“Ow!” Sebastian yells, rubbing his leg. “You hurt me!”  
Kimi jumps out of the bed and sits down next to Sebastian, looking at his leg. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to actually hurt you.” Kimi says.  
“What do you mean you’re sick?” Sebastian asks. “Do you have the flu?”  
“No, Seb, I don’t have the flu. I have… cancer.”  
“My grandpa had cancer… What is cancer?” Sebastian asks.   
“It’s like a sickness where your body destroys itself. I have it in my lung. The doctors said they spotted it pretty early, but I will have to go through treatment.”  
“Does it hurt?” Sebastian asks.  
“It hurts a little bit to breathe, but I’m mostly just scared.” Kimi bites his lip, leaning back against his bed.  
“Don’t be scared, Kimi.” Sebastian says, crawling to his friend and wrapping him in a bear hug. “You’ll be okay”  
\--  
“Why are you wearing that hat?” Sebastian asks, giving Kimi’s black beanie a weird stare.  
“It’s cold out here.” Kimi explains. They were sitting in the hospital garden on a bench, watching the small river that flows next to it.  
“You were wearing it inside, too.” Sebastian points out.  
“It was cold inside, too.” Kimi says with a snap, obviously annoyed by Sebastian’s questions.  
“Okay…”   
The boys sit in silence for a couple of minutes.   
“Wanna play tag?” Sebastian asks.  
Kimi isn’t sure if he’ll be able to handle the running, so he asks if they can play and hide and go seek instead. Sebastian agrees and it’s his turn to hide first.  
Kimi counts to 50 and then starts searching for Sebastian. There aren’t very many places to hide, so Kimi finds him pretty quickly.   
Kimi decides he is going to climb up the tree to hide. It’s not a hard tree to climb, but Kimi is weak from his chemotherapy.  
“...48, 49, 50! Ready or not here I come!”  
Kimi is panting pretty heavily, but with the wind, he doubts Sebastian will hear him. Sebastian looks around for a couple minutes before angrily stomping. “Where are you?! Give me a hint!”  
Kimi scoffs at the younger boys anger over a game but yells Sebastian’s name to give him a hint anyways. Sebastian runs over to under the tree, looking in the bushes around it before looking up. “Haha! Got you!” Sebastian yells.’  
Kimi chuckles and starts to climb down, when his hat gets snagged in a branch and gets pulled off his head. “Ahh!” Kimi yells, reaching to grab the hat but also losing balance. Kimi falls to the ground with a thump, his hat landing on the ground next to him.  
“Kimi… your hair.” Sebastian whispers. Kimi can feel tears well up in his eyes. He doesn’t get insecure about his appearance, but when he lost all of his hair because of the chemotherapy, all that changed. He even wore hats around his parents and the doctors.   
“Your hair… Is awesome!” Sebastian yells, helping Kimi stand up. “It’s so cool! You look like a soldier.”   
Kimi smiles, “You really like it?”  
Sebastian rolls his eyes. “Of course I do!”  
\--  
“Kimi.” His mother, Paula, whispers, rubbing his head and combing the little bit of hair that has grown back on his head flat.  
“Yes, mama?” Kimi asks, eyes still closed. He was so tired he didn’t even bother to open his eyes. They felt heavy, like his body was held to his hospital bed.  
“How are you doing? Do you feel well enough to see Sebastian?”   
Kimi nods, trying his best to sit up in bed. His mom helps him up. Kimi rubs his eyes. “Yeah, I wanna see Seb.” It’s been too long since he’s seen his best friend. Kimi had been battling cancer for almost a year, with lots of chemotherapy and treatments.   
His mom nods and goes out the door, coming back with Sebastian a minute later. “I’ll give you guys some time.” She smiles, closing the door behind her.  
“Your mom says you’re close to getting out of the hospital.” Sebastian says, sitting down on the best next to Kimi. “She said you might be able to come to my birthday party.”   
“I hope so. I’m sick of being in here. I feel trapped.” Kimi sighs.  
“It’s just not fun. We have to find something fun to do. Like… play cards!” Sebastian says, grabbing the deck of cards off the bedside table.   
The two boys play cards for almost an hour until Paula comes back in the room, this time accompanied by Kimi’s father, Matti.   
“Kimi, we just got done talking with your doctors. We have good news.” Paula smiles, coming and taking a seat next to the bed.  
“Your cancer is gone. We’re leaving the hospital tomorrow.” Paula starts to cry, giving Kimi a big hug. Kimi looks relieved to finally be leaving. He hugs his mother, then father, then looks to Sebastian.   
“Does that mean you can come to my birthday?” Sebastian asks.  
\--  
“Sebastian, Kimi had a cancer scare.” His mother explains. “A cancer scare is when-”  
“I know what it means!” Sebastian cuts his mom off. “I just don’t know why they thought it would happen. He’s been cancer-free for years! He’s 12, he had cancer when he was 7.”  
“His parents were just being extra precautious. You know how he gets regular checkups?”   
Sebastian nods.  
“Well, the doctors thought they saw something. They did some more tests, and now they can tell he doesn’t have cancer.” She explains.  
“I just…” Sebastian blinks back tears “I just don’t want to lose my best friend.”   
Sebastian’s mom sighs, and brings him in for a hug.  
\--  
Kimi is sitting at his desk, taking notes for an upcoming assignment, when all of a sudden he hears a tapping on his window. Kimi looks over to see Sebastian’s big smile.  
“You know, you could just use the door.” Kimi says, opening the window and letting Sebastian in.  
“Where is the fun in that?” Sebastian asks.  
“You’re 13 now, but you still act like you’re 5 years old.” Kimi scoffs, sitting back down at his desk.   
“Hey!” Sebastian shouts, giving Kimi a smack on the head before jumping down onto Kimi’s bed.   
“What do you want?” Kimi asks. “I’m trying to work on homework.”  
“Homework? Ew.” Sebastian laughs, even though he has never missed a homework assignment in his life “Do I have to want something to come and see my best friend?”  
Kimi puts down his pencil and turns around. “Wanna watch a movie?”  
Sebastian nods his head. The boys are all set up in the living room, and Paula made them popcorn.   
“Thank you, Ms. Raikkonen.” Sebastian says. Paula gives him a glare, telling him again that he can call her by her first name.  
They sit watching the movie and snacking when Kimi starts coughing. Sebastian ignores it at first. Kimi’s lungs are still weak from the cancer he had when he was little, so it's normal for him to get coughing fits. When it goes on for over a minute, Sebastian pauses the movie and switches on a light.  
“You okay?” Sebastian asks, standing up to get Kimi a glass of water.   
Kimi can’t answer because he’s still coughing, but he’s able to take a small sip of water before continuing coughing.  
“Should I get your mom?” Sebastian asks, even though he knows what Kimi’s answer will be.  
Kimi shakes his head no. He finally starts to slow down coughing, but then takes a glance at the hand he’s been coughing into. He notices specks of blood.   
“Seb…” Kimi shows him.  
“I’m going to get your mom.” Sebastian says and Kimi starts to cough again.  
“Ms. Raikkonen!” Sebastian shouts, running around the house calling for her. After looking everywhere, he finally spots her out of the back window, pulling some weeds out of her flower garden.  
“Ms. Raikkonen!” Sebastian yells, flinging open the back door.  
“Now I told you Sebastian, call me Pau-”  
“Kimi is coughing up blood!” Sebastian shouts, cutting her off.  
Paula turns pale as a ghost, pausing for a moment to digest what Sebastian had just said before running past Sebastian and into the living room. Sebastian follows her back, where Kimi is now off the couch and on his hands and knees on the floor, coughing and spitting up blood.  
“Sebastian, call an ambulance!” Paula yells, wiping the bloody spit off his face. Sebastian gets his cellphone out of his pocket, quickly dialing.   
It’s only a matter of minutes when they hear the ambulance. Paula struggles, but is able to pick Kimi up and carry him out the front door. Sebastian follows, but when Kimi gets put into the ambulance, the door gets slammed in Sebastian’s face and in a flash, they’re off down the street towards the hospital.  
\--  
Sebastian’s mom, Heike, drives him to the hospital so they can see Kimi. “Remember, be respectful of Paula and Matti.”   
“I know, ma.” Sebastian nods, getting out of the car. They walk up to the front desk and check in before going up to Kimi’s room. It was a different hospital than the one Sebastian used to visit Kimi at when they were little.   
When they get to the room, Kimi is sitting up and talking quietly with his dad. Sebastian notices how frail Kimi already looks. His face looks sunken in, with dark circles under his eyes and breathing tubes coming out of his nose.  
“Hey.” Sebastian says, coming over to sit next to Kimi’s dad.  
“How are you doing, Sebastian?” Kimi asks, smiling slightly.  
“I… I’m scared.” Sebastian says, putting his head down on the bed, not wanting Kimi’s parents or his mom to see him cry.  
“Don’t be scared. I’m gonna be fine, promise.” Kimi says, placing a hand on Sebastian’s head.  
“I just can’t believe your cancer came back.” Sebastian sighs.  
“I know, Sebby. But really, I feel okay. We’re starting treatments again soon, and mama said the doctors caught it pretty early on, so I should be good.”  
\--  
“Why?” Sebastian shouts.  
“You wouldn’t understand.” Paula says.  
“Why would you lie to Kimi? You told him he was going to be okay, you said the doctors caught it early!”  
“I know what I told him. If he thinks that the doctors are confident he’ll get better, he will be more confident. I want to give him hope.” Paula explains.  
“You lied to your son! You’re a liar!” Sebastian shouts.   
“Sebastian Vettel!” Heike gasps, glaring at Sebastian and then going over to give Paula a hug. “Do not speak to her like that.”  
“It’s the truth.” Sebastian says, even though he feels guilty for making Paula cry. “You… you should have told him the truth. He’s not a child anymore”  
\--  
“How was school?” Kimi asks as Sebastian comes bounding into Kimi’s hospital room. Sebastian drops his backpack on the floor and climbs into Kimi’s bed to sit next to him.  
“Alright, much better if you were there. Everyone gave me a bunch of cards to give you.” Sebastian gestures towards his backpack.  
“Don’t care.” Kimi scoffs.   
“I know you don’t.” Sebastian chuckles.  
“Just tell me.” Kimi says suddenly.  
“Tell you what?”   
“You’ve been wanting to tell me something but you haven’t. Whatever it is, you can tell me.” Kimi explains.  
“It’s… I can’t tell you. Your mom told me not to.”   
“My mom?” Kimi questions.  
“Look, Kimi, it isn’t my place to tell you. You need to talk to her. It’s about your cancer.” Sebastian explains.  
“I’m dying, Seb, aren’t I?” Kimi asks.   
Sebastian turns away and wipes the tears that start to fall from his eyes. “Your cancer wasn’t caught early. You’re a lot farther along than your mom told you.”  
“Okay.” Kimi nods, laying back in bed and staring up at the ceiling.  
“How are you not freaking out?” Sebastian asks.  
“I know my body. I could tell. She’s just trying to protect me.” Kimi explains.  
“You… You can’t die, though. You’re my best friend. I almost lost you when I was five and I don’t want to lose you again. I…” Sebastian trails off.  
“Come here” Kimi opens up his arms to Sebastian. Sebastian lays down on the bed and cuddles up next to Kimi. Kimi wraps Sebastian in a tight hug. Sebastian cries gently into Kimi’s shoulder.  
“Alright, stop.” Kimi says, rubbing Sebastian’s back. “Please don’t cry. I’m not dead yet.”  
Sebastian is about to reply when the hospital’s PA comes on “Visitors hours ends in 15 minutes.”  
“If you fall asleep, they won’t make you leave.” Kimi says. Sebastian nods and grabs his cellphone to call his mom, explaining that he wanted to stay with Kimi overnight. Heike said he was lucky it was Friday so he didn’t have school tomorrow, and he could sleep there as long as she called him right when he woke up. Sebastian thanked her and then climbed back into bed with Kimi.  
\--  
“Wake up.” Kimi says, shaking Sebastian’s shoulder.   
“Mhm, no.” Sebastian says, turning away.   
Kimi wraps his arm around Sebastian, snuggling into his back. “Wake up.” He says, less convincing this time.  
“No.” Sebastian chuckles, then suddenly realized that Kimi was spooning him in a hospital bed. Sebastian sits up.  
“Hey!” Kimi says.  
“Uh, sorry. Gotta use the bathroom.” Sebastian stammers, getting up. Sebastian closes the door behind him and rubs his hands through his hair.   
“What am I doing?” Sebastian whispers.   
“You okay?” Kimi asks, knocking on the door.  
“Um, yeah.” Sebastian says, flushing the toilet and then washing his hands.  
“Sebby, if you wanted to be the big spoon you could have just said so.” Kimi jokes when Sebastian opens the door.  
Sebastian chuckles, but feels his cheeks blush up. Kimi coughs slightly, adjusting his nose tubes. “You okay?” Sebastian asks.  
“Yeah, fine.”  
\--  
Sebastian knew. As soon as his mom opened the door to his room around midnight, phone in hand, he knew.   
“No.” Sebastian shakes his head, tears falling down his face. “NO!” Sebastian yells.  
“I’m so sorry.” Heike says, coming over and wrapping Sebastian tight in her arms, rocking him back and forth. Sebastian’s father comes over and rubs Sebastian’s back.  
Sebastian sobs for hours, his parents eventually leaving him in bed alone. Sebastian is sad and angry. Kimi can’t be gone.   
Sebastian sleeps recklessly, probably only getting an hour in total. He would fall asleep for ten minutes and then wake up to cry.   
“Hey, Seb.” Norbert pokes his head in, around 8 am. By this point, Sebastian was all cried out. His eyes were red and puffy and he just felt… empty.  
“I want to see him.” Sebastian says.  
“We need to give his parents some time and space. Paula and Matti need to be with him right now.”  
“I need to be with him too. I’m his best friend. I… was his best friend.” Sebastian whispers.  
“You’ll see him at the funeral.”  
Sebastian sighs and lays down in bed, starting to tear up again.   
“I’ll leave you alone.” Norbert says, leaving the room.  
\--  
Kimi’s funeral was packed. Sebastian recognized almost all of the students in Kimi’s grade from school. Sebastian sat right up front with Kimi’s family.   
Sebastian didn’t even listen to what the people were saying, all through out the funeral he was staring at Kimi’s coffin. From his position, he could barely see into the coffin. By now, a week after Kimi originally passed, Sebastian was all cried out. He felt like a large part of his soul had died with Kimi.  
After the funeral, he was looking into the coffin and holding Kimi’s cold hand. Almost everyone had left.   
“You okay, Sebastian?” Paula asks.  
“Are any of us?” Sebastian questions back.  
“There was so much I wanted to do with Kimi. I thought we’d grow old and be best friends. I’m nothing without him.”  
“That’s not true, Sebastian.” Paula says, wrapping her arm around Sebastian’s shoulder. “I know you feel empty right now, I do too. But that’s what mourning is like. Kimi would not want you to live your life feeling like this.”  
“There’s so much I had to tell him.” Sebastian says.  
“I know. You had a short time together. No matter what you said, it would never have felt like enough.”  
“I didn’t even tell him that I loved him.” Sebastian cries, Paula grabs Sebastian and hugs him tightly.  
“He knew. He knew, Sebastian. And he loved you back.”


End file.
